Change Your Tribe

Last week was tough. There were three different people that doubted me. They doubted my hard work and capabilities. I was highly offended and hurt, it triggered my depression. Again I felt like a loser, as if success was not possible for me. I already knew what was coming. My depression after having a baby is easily triggered. There's no drinking it off , there's no buying a plane ticket at last minute and flying away from the source, things are different now. I cannot ignore it.  I have to find the source and face it or I really won't survive.

The first question I asked myself was, "Why is it that I get offended so quickly when people do not believe in me?" I did not know that answer, but I did know that it does not happen all the time and that the longer I have a relationship with someone the more I do get offended. I dug in deeper and I found the source of what really bothered me.

 For a long time I have considered people that I know for a long time a part of "my tribe" and have always looked out. Whether they needed a last minute  door-girl, bartender, therapist, assistant, stylist, promoter, and list goes on... I was always there. No job was ever too big or to small. I was always there and owned whatever I was asked to do. We all started at the similar places , during similar times. Some have grown and become successful, and some are still stuck in the same place... or seem to be stuck. We don't really know what goes on behind the scenes, for all we know someone can "seem stuck" and is probably making major moves without telling everyone.

I have felt stuck for years. Mostly because what I really wanted was to work for myself "one day" but I never planted my own seeds. I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life yet.   I feel like I've progressed most within the last three years than in the last 14 yrs, because I have finally figured out what I want to do with my life.

Now do I regret it? When I'm depressed I do, but when I get over my depression I do not regret any single moment. Yes, I am not in a high position in my career and getting paid what I should but I did what made me happy. I've had dope experiences that would not have happened if I had just focused on my career. Regardless of anything I STILL had dope opportunities come my way and if it weren't for those experiences I would not have known where I want to be now.

So the reason I have gotten offended is because those people have witnessed my work ethic at it's finest. They had witnessed a person who did not care what the job was but always tried her best as opposed to the person who I am now. I still try my best but this time I know what I want and I am the one that picks what jobs I want to do and what jobs I do not. Now that I know what I want and need a little guidance, that "Tribe" isn't there. That's what triggered the depression.

I have recognized the problem and then found a  solution. If someone does not want to be part of my tribe that is there problem. I can't let their assumptions about me get the best of me. I know what I am capable of. I am a hard worker and I am a stronger force now because I do know what I want. I have arrived here by myself.  If they can't see that anymore , I am not here to make them see. There are other people that have arrived in my life after them and see exactly what I am capable of, and those are the people I need to open the doors for and include in my tribe.

There comes a point in your life when you have to change the people around you no matter what you're history has been. What good is having people around you who have stopped believing in you?